FORGIVING FOR FREEDOM

September 14, 2008
By Pastor Laura Gentry

Matthew 18:21-35

Peter came and said to him, “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times. “For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. When he began the reckoning, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him; and, as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, together with his wife and children and all his possessions, and payment to be made. So the slave fell on his knees before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the lord of that slave released him and forgave him the debt. But that same slave, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat, he said, ‘Pay what you owe.’ Then his fellow slave fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ But he refused; then he went and threw him into prison until he would pay the debt. When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he would pay his entire debt. So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

During the Holocaust, Eva Mozes Kor and her twin sister, Miriam, were selected for a series of horrifying genetic experiments at the hands of the infamous Dr. Josef Mengele—who became known as the angel of death. Ironically, because of these experiments, the girls were able to survive Auschwitz even though much of their family did not. In a quest to heal her wounds, Eva returned to  Auschwitz for the 50th anniversary of the liberation of the camps in 1995, and on that occasion she did the unthinkable. She read aloud her personal "official declaration of amnesty" to Mengele and the Nazis. She explained that to be liberated from the Nazis was not enough; she needed to be released from the pain of the past. To extend forgiveness without any prerequisites required of the perpetrators, said Eva, was an "act of self-healing." Through the act of "forgiving your worst enemy" Eva said that she experienced "the feeling of complete freedom from pain."

Could you offer such forgiveness? Most people have not been wronged to the extent of the victims of the Holocost, but everyone has been wronged. Everyone has opportunities for forgiveness. Lots of people end up on our “to-forgive” list: bosses, co-workers, teachers, friends, children, spouses and even people we haven’t met personally but whose decisions can harm us, like policy makers and other politicians.

But how much should we forgive? Peter thought this was an important question and so in today’s Gospel, he poses it to Jesus: Should I forgive someone more than once? What about seven times? That sounds like quite a lot. Generous enough? Nope. Jesus astonishes him by saying “No, not seven times, but I tell you seventy-seven times!”

Seventy seven times I’m supposed to forgive the same person? This is outrageous when you think about it. Simply outrageous! This seems like license for other people to sin against us. Wouldn’t we just become a doormat if we forgave at this radical rate? I mean, Jesus can’t be serious, can he?

Well, to show Peter how serious he is about this answer, he launches into an outlandish parable about an unmerciful servant. This servant received forgiveness for his gigantic debt, but he turns around and offers no mercy to a person who owes him a relatively small sum. He is so unmerciful, in fact, that he throws the man into prison.

The point is that God has forgiven us all our sins—the sins of the past as well as the sins we have yet to commit. God has forgiven each one of us such a vast amount of wrong-doing that it is incomprehensible. Therefore, we are obligated to pass the forgiveness along to others. Paul later puts it sucintly in his letter to the Christians at Ephesus to, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.”

This is a must for the Christian. In fact, if we do not practice forgiveness, we actually limit God’s ability to forgive us. St. John of the Cross, a 16th Century Carmelite mystic, wrote that “Attachment to a hurt arising from a past event blocks the inflow of hope into our lives.” If we keep a hold of our grudge and refuse to forgive, we actually keep God’s love out of our hearts. We block the inflow of hope into our lives.

Frederic Luskin, co-founder of Stanford University's "Forgiveness Project," says that forgiveness "reduces anger, hurt, depression and stress and leads to greater feelings of optimism, hope, compassion and self confidence." And according to the results of the Human Development Study Group at the University of Madison, Wisconsin, forgiveness leads to improved physical and mental health as well as better relationships. Indeed, scientists have proven what Jesus taught so many years ago: forgiveness is necessary for us to be healthy and happy.

Even though we know this is true, forgiveness is hard. Let’s admit it. I cannot count how many times I’ve heard people say, “But I just can’t forgive.” Even if we want to forgive, we sometimes feel powerless to actually do so. Yet there are amazing stories of forgiveness, like Eva Kor’s who forgave the Nazis who killed her family and the doctor who caused her such pain. We know it is possible to forgive. Jesus told us that God wants us to forgive. But how?

In the book Forgiveness Is a Choice, Robert D. Enright outlines a 4 stage process for forgiving. This method is the first scientifically proven forgiveness program in the country. Enright demonstrates how forgiveness, approached in the correct manner, benefits the forgiver even more than the forgiven. He explains that forgiveness does not mean accepting continued abuse or even reconciling with the offender. Rather, by giving the gift of forgiveness, readers are encouraged to confront and let go of their pain in order to regain their lives.

The first phase of forgiveness, according to Enright, is uncovering your anger. Have you faced your anger? Archbishop Desmond Tutu, retired Anglican bishop of South Africa and formerly chairman of South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission, says “to forgive is a process that does not exclude hate and anger. These emotions are all part of being human.” Tutu continues, “You should never hate yourself for hating others who do terrible things; the depth of your love is shown by the extent of your anger.”

Has your anger affected your health? You can’t stay healthy if you’ve got bottled up anger. Are you obsessed with the injury or the offender? Has the injury changed your life or your worldview? Admitting your anger and letting this emotion be what it is—this is the vital first step toward forgiveness.

The second phase is deciding to forgive. Looking at Jesus’ mandate to forgive can help you make the decision to forgive. Looking at how not forgiving has not worked can also help you come to that conclusion. You must be willing to begin the healing process by making this vital decision. Remember that you don’t have to wait until you feel like forgiving. You don’t have to warm and fuzzy feelings about the offender. In fact, you can still be feeling great pangs of anger towards them. But if you make the decision to forgive, the process will continue forward.

The third phase is working on forgiveness. Work on your compassion. Work on your inner pain. Then act. Do an act of kindness toward the offender, or to honor your decision. Act as if your forgiveness has already occured and this will help bring your intention into reality.

The fourth and final phase is discovering release from your emotional prison. In the case of Eva Kor, she found immense release through forgiveness and finally began to live. Others were highly critical of her decision to forgive—stating that to forgive the Nazis would be to condone a terrible evil and to open the door to future tragedy. Yet through her faith and through her understanding of her deep need to forgive, she found the power to forgive and this gave her ultimate emotional freedom. This really takes a leap of faith. Until you forgive, you cannot know the extent of healing it will bring you. But when this release is accomplished, the process of forgiveness is completed.

Feeling your anger, deciding to forgive, working on forgiveness, and then finding release—these are phases of forgiveness, which have offered a reliable path to freedom for many.

The fact is, we’ve been forgiven for more than we can even imagine. We are saved entirely by the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ, not by any of our own doing. And so we are obligated. We are duty-bound to pass on this forgiveness to our brothers and sisters. Just as there is no limit to God’s forgiveness of us, there should be no limit to our forgiveness of others. Amen.

© 2008 Laura Gentry