ALLELUIA FROM HEAD TO FOOT

This year, for Holy Hilarity Sunday, I collected the following theological quotes and jokes and delivered them for my sermon. That's me in the HA dress below. Click here to see more pictures and video from that celebration.

"Christianity is a strangely cheery religion."

FLANNERY O'CONNOR

"God weeps with us (on Good Friday) so that we may some day laugh with Him (after Easter)."

JURGEN MOLTMANN

"In Nigeria, the name of God is 'Father of Laughter.'"

JOSPEH R. VENEROSO

"You have as much laughter 

as you have faith."

MARTIN LUTHER

"Humor is, in fact, the prelude to faith & laughter is the beginning of prayer."

REINHOLD NIEBUHR

"The world will never be converted to God until Christians cry less and laugh and sing more."

CHARLES SPURGEON

“Keep company with the more cheerful sort of the Godly; there is no mirth like the mirth of believers.”

RICHARD BAXTER

"From somber, serious sullen saints, save us, O Lord."

TERESA OF AVILA

"Walk cheerfully over the world."

GEORGE FOX

“The Christian should be an alleluia from head to foot.” 

AUGUSTINE OF HIPPO 

"A good joke is the closest thing we have to divine revelation."

G.K. CHESTERTON

Q & A JOKES

Q: Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke?

A: Because it might crack up!

Q:Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?

A:He was having a bad hare day!

Q: Did you hear the one about the fifty pound jelly bean?

A: It’s pretty hard to swallow.

Q: What did the pink rabbit say to the blue rabbit?

A: Cheer up!

Q: Why are people always tired in April?

A: Because they just finished a 31 day March

Q: Why did the apples in Noah's ark have any worms in them?

A: Because they all came in pears.

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NARRATIVE JOKES

A mother went shopping for an Easter pet for her little girl. She looked at a baby chick and a baby duck. They were both very cute, but she decided to buy the baby chick. Do you know why? The baby chick was a little cheeper!

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Joseph of Aramathea had a neighbor who just couldn’t understand why he had given his beautiful, hand-hewn tomb to the followers of Jesus to bury him there. “Why! Why would you do that?’ Dramatically asked the neighbor.

Joseph replied: “It's okay, he only needed it for the weekend.”

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A man and his nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife died. The undertaker told the husband "I could ship your wife's body back home to be buried, but it will cost you $10,000. Instead, I could just bury her right here in the Holy Land and it will only cost you $100."

The husband thought about it for awhile, and then told him to just ship her back home. The undertaker was perplexed. "But it will cost you $10,000 to ship her back, why not just do it here?"

The husband replied: "I heard that a man died here once, was buried, and after three days, he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

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God is talking to one of his angels. He says, "Boy, I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth." The angel says, "What are you going to do now?" God says, "Call it a day!”

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A Baptist and an Lutheran were discussing religion. The Baptist started off, "Do you mean to tell me you really believe in infant baptism?" The Lutheran replied, "Believe in it? I've seen it!"

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Ole is the Pastor of the local Norwegian 

Lutheran Church and Pastor Sven is the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road. One day they are seen pounding a sign into the ground, which said:

DA END ISS NEAR! 

TURN YERSELF AROUNT NOW 

BAFOR IT ISS TOO LATE! 

As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, "Leave people alone, you Skandihoovian religious nuts!" 

From the curve they heard screeching 

tires and a big splash. 

Shakin' his head, Rev. Ole says "Dat's da terd one dis mornin'." 

"Yaa," 

Pastor Sven agrees, then asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say, “Bridge ISS Out?'"

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A trucker goes to church every Sunday, no matter where he is. He is in Illinois when he spots a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign which read "$10,000 a minute." Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone.  The pastor answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God.  The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Missouri, Minnesota, California, New York, and all around the United States, he found more phones, with the same sign reading “$10,000 a minute” and got the same answer from each pastor. 

Finally, he arrives in Lansing, Iowa Upon entering a church, behold, he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read "Calls: 25 cents." 

Fascinated, he asks to talk to the pastor. "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church, I have found this golden telephone and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 25 cents a call. Why?" 

The pastor, smiling, replied,"Your in Lansing now. This is God's country... it's a local call."

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KNOCK KNOCK JOKES

Knock Knock

who's there?

Cash

Cash who?

no thank you. I prefer walnuts!

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Amish

Amish who?

Well you certainly don't look like a shoe.

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

There's a chicken...

There's a chicken Who?

There's a chick in the egg. Come on, it’s Easter.

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting...MOOOOO!

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"A church is in a bad way

when it banishes laughter from the sanctuary."

HELMUT THIELICKE

"When you laugh, aside from the endorphin rush, there’s also a spiritual opening. You’re not so tight inside yourself. That opening I’ve found to be a real gift, in people being able to absorb spirituality."

 RABBI SYDNEY MINTZ

"A good laugh heals a lot of hurts."

MADELEINE L'ENGLE

“For God so loved the world that He gave his only son so that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have EVER-LAUGHING life.”

—A five year old’s version of John 3:16

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May we live an ever-laughing life, my friends, and be an Alleluia from head to foot!

GRUMBLERS, NO MORE

A sermon for the 4th Sunday in Lent (Year B)

Today is already the fourth Sunday in Lent. And it actually has a name. It is called Laetare. This term comes from the Latin word “rejoice.” So we are right smack dab in the middle of the somber season of Lent and yet the word that describes this day is rejoice. Does that make any sense to you?

It may seem a bit odd since this is a season of penitence and sacrifice. It is a season so serious that we don’t even get to sing the Alleluia verses.  Yet in the ancient church, the prayers for this day always began with the word rejoice. Why? Because we have now passed the halfway point. Lent is more than half done and we are well on our way to the great joy of Easter. Today’s scripture lessons are filled with joy as well. 

The first lesson comes from the great Exodus, in which Moses leads the people of God out of slavery and into the freedom of the Promised Land. But as they are going, they to get tired of the road trip. They are like kids in the back seat whining: “Are we there yet?”  I was just introduced to a folk song from the 1920s called “Grumbler.” Since this story reminds me so much of the grumbler song, I’m going to sing you a verse. 

In country, town, or city some people can be found

who spend their lives in grumbling at everything around.

Oh yes, they always grumble no matter what we say.

For these are chronic grumblers, and they grumble night and day.

Oh, they, grumble on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday

Grumble on Thursday, too.

Grumble on Friday, Saturday, Sunday

Grumble the whole week through.

Yes, the people of God are, indeed, grumblers. They are on their way to the promised land but do they get excited about this? Do they cheer about the greatness of this destination? No, they grumble the whole week through. They just hate it. They are in the middle of the wilderness and the food stinks. It’s worse than airplane food, which you have to pay extra for these days.  So the grumblers get mad at Moses. Never mind the fact that he led them out of slavery and he has helped them find water, manna and has even argued with God on their behalf. No pity for Moses. The grumblers feel sorry for themselves and he’s the most convenient one to blame. They grumble: “Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness?” 

As you might guess, God doesn’t really like their grumbling. So poisonous serpents show up and start biting and killing the Israelites. Um...excuse me? Where is the joy in this story? It sounds like a horror movie with Sam Jackson. In a 1999 poll, 40% of Americans listed snakes as that thing in life that they feared most. Snakes even beat out speaking in public and spiders. Now we have to deal with a snake story in the bible? But why!?

It certainly reflects our human nature to want to grumble about things. In our own “wilderness” experiences, we get impatient with God. We worry things won’t turn out the way wan want and so we get to grumbling. Often, we embrace negativity instead of hope.

But back to the Exodus. Despite the fact that the people brought the snake problem on themselves by their grumbling and ingratitude, God proves to be merciful. The people acknowledge their sin and ask for help. So God instructs Moses to make a bronze sculpture of one of the very serpents that had bitten them and mount it on a pole. Then, whenever someone is bitten, they should simply look up to the serpent and they will be healed. This is a great grace given to the grumpy grumblers.

Then, in the gospel lesson from John, we come in on the middle of a conversation that Jesus is having with a religious leader named Nicodemus. Jesus is trying to get through to this man that God is offering a new covenant through him. He says, “And just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in him may have eternal life.” You see he is making reference to the story we just heard. In the same way that God provided healing for the people through the serpent sculpture, God was now providing healing for all through Jesus who would be soon be dying for all on the cross. This cross is not just for the “insiders” who already have a relationship with God, but for all. 

Then, comes John 3:16, the verse that everyone knows. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life.” It is known as the gospel in a nutshell. You see it written on the scoreboard and baseball games, on billboards and bumper stickers. I once saw a man holding a sign with this verse as he was protesting a concert of the Rolling Stones. It made me laugh to see him using it as a condemnation of those awful people going to see a rock band. I laughed because that is exactly the opposite point this scripture passage is making.

Look at the very next verse. Jesus says, “Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.” The message is that the cross is lifted up to liberate people, to draw them to God with the cords not of guilt or condemnation but of love.

For we are the grumblers. We are the ones who chose darkness over light. We are the ones, like the Israelites, who like to complain even while we are on the road to freedom. We tend to do this even when we don’t mean to. 

Saint Paul understood this internal wrestling when he wrote: “For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want to do is what I do.” (Romans 7:19-21)  This is fondly referred to as the "do do" verse. But it really describes our sinful condition. 

Yet Paul also understands that while our nature is sinful, God’s nature is one of love and grace. “Where sin increased,” he writes in Romans 5:20, “grace overflowed all the more.”

Out of God's unsurpassing love for us, Christ is lifted up on the cross. And this love is for the whole cosmos. The author of John’s gospel wants to make this clear. Love is the theme that dominates the whole book. We hear that God is love (1 Jn. 4:8), that the relationship between Jesus and his Father is love (Jn. 15:9-10; 17:23), and that the nature of discipleship is love (Jn. 13:34-35; 15:12-14). 

This love of God is all in all. That is why they call John 3:16 the gospel in a nutshell: For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life. This is the reason we can rejoice today, even as our Lenten journey continues.

God woos us into a relationship through love and grace. In the book Surprised by Joy, the author C.S. Lewis claims that he came into Christianity kicking and screaming. He says that as a young man he was “very angry with God for not existing.” He had no intention of embracing faith in an unseen God. But the love of God drew him in against his own will and he became one of the greatest Christian writers.

As God offered healing to the Isrealites, God offers healing to all in Christ. The word “healing” comes from the same root as “wholeness” and “wellness” and they all refer to being “full” or “complete.” When we look at our own lives, we know that we are broken. Yet, Jesus comes to us in our broken state and offers healing and wholeness because of God’s great love for us. We are called to faith in Christ who heals us.

The theologian Paul Tillich wrote: “Faith is being seized by a power that is greater than we are...one that transforms us and heals us...Surrender to that power is called faith.” We are not required to heal ourselves, but simply to surrender to the Savior who can. Surrender to that power.

And so today, we hear again that powerful message of grace. Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. We are saved by grace through faith in him and set free to do the good things God has planned for our lives. That is why it is Laetare—a day of rejoicing. We rejoice in God's love. Let us stop being grumblers and surrender to this power called faith that we may be healed and know the joy of eternal life. 

Now, for the thrilling conclusion to this sermon, I’ve written new lyrics to the Grumbler song to remind us that by grace, we can be grumblers no more.

So stop your chronic grumbling and take a look around.

For you have got a Savior who’s waiting to be found.

Oh yes, He is ‘a callin; just listen for his voice.

Then you won’t be a grumbler, and he’ll make us all rejoice!  

Oh, we’ll, laugh on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday

Laugh on Thursday, too.

Laugh on Friday, Saturday, Sunday

Laughing the whole week through!

© 2012  Laura E. Gentry

TOTALLY FIRE: A SERMON FOR ASH WEDNESDAY

Grace and Peace to you from God our Father and from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

This evening we begin the season of Lent. But just what is Lent? I know you should know because we do the Lenten thing every year, but is is kind of hard to explain, isn’t it? Lent, we have been told, is a time of sacrifice for Jesus. It is traditional to give something up for Lent—like ice cream or chocolate. Lent, we have also been told, is time of preparation for Holy Week and Easter. It is a time of self-denial, repentance and prayer.  It’s a somber time when we don’t even get to sing “hallelujah!” in worship. That’s why we stuffed them all into that jar over there, where they will patiently await their release at Easter. That is, unless some kid doesn’t sneak over there and release them sooner. And while all of this may be true, I think it confuses people.

What I find to be the most helpful explanation of Lent is that it is a spiritual spring cleaning. Just like a house needs a good, deep cleaning every year, so do our souls.

I have a hard time convincing people of this, but Lent isn’t supposed to be a downer time. I know that goes against the prevailing ideas about Lent.  I was just listening to a podcast with Lutheran theologians from Luther Seminary in Saint Paul and even one of those heady professors admitted he didn’t like Lent because it was too much of a downer. But that’s just not so. If you are one of the many persons out there who thinks Lent is a downer, hear me out. I’m going to attempt to convince you otherwise.

The whole 40 day tradition came from the early Christian converts who would prepare themselves for Baptism on the vigil of Easter. In order to get ready, they would engage in repentance practices, like dumping a bucket of ashes over their heads. You know how in the cartoons when a bomb goes off, the dust clears and everybody is standing there totally black, covered in ash? I imagine that’s how they looked. 

That’s why we’ll impose ashes on your forehead tonight—it’s in keeping with that early repentance ritual. Yes, the ashes represent our mortality. When you are imposed with the ashes you hear the familiar words: “remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return.”  And then you’ll get to spend the rest of the evening with a big messy cross on your head.

But what I think we often miss is that the ashes symbolized something else in the ancient church: cleansing. Before they had soap and pear-ginger scented body wash like we have today, people used ash to wash themselves. Yes, ashes are about cleansing. They are about letting go of what keeps us from God—scrubbing that away so that we can turn around and run back into the loving arms of God.

No, this is not a downer season. In fact, I would argue it has the potential to be the most joyful time of all. We all need to clean our spiritual houses. All of those resentments and grudges and free floating anger hanging around inside us—these things aren’t helping us.  We know this. God knows this. But now’s our chance to really let it go—to draw nearer to God so that we can be cleansed and made new.

There is a story that comes from the ancient desert fathers. It goes like this.

Abbot Lot came to Abbot Joseph and said:

Father, according as I am able, I keep my little rule, and my little fast, my prayer, meditation and contemplative silence; and according as I am able I strive to cleanse my heart of thoughts; now what more should I do?

The elder rose up in reply and stretched out his hands to heaven, and his fingers became like ten lamps of fire.  He said: Why not be totally changed into fire?

I have always been captivated by this story because it reminds us that the Christian life isn’t about following rules. It is not some simple prescription formula. What more should we do? Why not be totally changed into fire?

Imagine for a moment what life would be like if God took a hold of you—I mean really took a hold  of you—and transformed you completely. Picture what your life would be like if this happened. The fire of the Holy Spirit burns in you so brightly that everything in your life is different. 

Heartache about person who hurt you so many years ago and all those secret fantasies you have had about about telling them off or hurting them back? Gone. Burned away by the fire of God. Now all that’s left is love.

Distress over your financial situation? Worries about whether you can stay afloat? Gone. Burned away in the fire of God. All that’s left is trust that God will see you through. In fact, it is so solid that you have even the courage to share your resources.

Fear about death, especially because of your deteriorating health? Wondering if you’ll really be saved—if you have enough faith or you’ve done enough good? Gone. Burned away in the fire of God. All that’s left is peace—peace that passes understanding because you know you are saved by God’s grace and nothing can take that away from you. Come on, death, you say. You have no power over me. I am not afraid of you at all.

Wouldn’t it be amazing to have the capacity to love everybody—even those people who are so terribly hard to love? Wouldn’t it be incredible to be able to go about your daily business without any fears at all because you know God will care for you? Wouldn’t it be liberating to truly release your fear of death and simply live in the peace that death doesn’t matter, that Christ has saved us and that’s that?

Then why not become totally changed into fire? That’s my question for you this Lent. May the ashes on your forehead be the start of a whole new fire that will burn away all your old stuff. May the ashes remind you that this life is so important, so wonderful that you have to dive in and live even more fully than you’ve ever lived before. May the ashes give you a new bravery because they remind you that you belong to God and because of this, all things really are possible.

Now how can a journey to this kind of life be a downer? It’s not. Lent is an upper. It’s the time to leap to your feet and say yes! Yes, I want to be totally changed into fire. For the next 5 Wednesdays, we will meet here at 6:30 to invite the Spirit to do just that. We’ll have a time of song, of scripture, of some rich and meaningful silence and we’ll feast on the sacraments. We know that God is present to us in them and so we’ll remember our Baptism and partake in Holy Communion each week. This is going to be a unique format for worship and one that I think will help us change the way we live. I invite you to be a part of these services so that together, God can make us totally fire. Amen.

© 2012 Laura Gentry