They meet for the first time. He looks into her eyes. She takes his hand. They waltz across the stage, floating gracefully as the music soars. And they live happily ever after.
Sounds like a fairy tale or an internet forward, huh? No no, it is the real life story of Gabby and Sam. And I’m here with you and with the two of them on this, their wedding day because I engineered the whole thing by begging Gabby to audition for the Allamakee Players’ production of “Meet Me in Saint Louis” four years ago. I’d like to take credit for fixing her up with this amazing groom she’s got here but frankly, I was just trying to make sure we’d have a strong female lead. Little did I know she would meet the love of her life and they would dance off into the sunset together.
Gabby’s been dancing for a long time. When I first met her, I was choreographing a summer production of Grease and she was a dancing cast member. I later interviewed her for an art project I was doing to reveal the inner lives of teenage girls. When Gabby and I spoke, it was clear to me that she’d found a wisdom, a confidence beyond her young age. She said: “I found authenticity, but I don’t think that some people are that open to the idea, or just, you know, they’re trying so hard to fit in.” Gabby summoned the courage (and I think it had a lot to do with her parents’ unswerving love and support) to be herself. She emphatically said to me: “I’d like to think that I’m passionate too, like God is, just about my life and about the way I feel.” Yes, this young girl was already dancing to the beat of her own drummer.
And who waltzes into the life of this fiesty, amazing girl but a dashing, dancing young man named Sam? You guessed it, they were cast opposite one another in the Allamakee Players’ production so they were forced to spend the summer singing and dancing together. And it was at these rehearsals that Gabby began to noticed how wonderful Sam is. The first thing he got points for was getting along with her mom. He knew how to get to her heart. She found in Sam a kindred spirit who not only shares her interests in the arts, but is also a person of kindness generosity. And on top of that he’s a fellow rock concert devotee and has a great sense of humor!
They fast became friends. Then a romance blossomed. Then, four years later he popped the question. She said yes yes, she said yes before he could even finish asking. They both feel blessed to have the gift of one another. It’s the kind of love story everyone dreams of.
And all of this brings you, Gabby and Sam, to this sacred moment. The dance you began on that stage all those years ago is about to take a turn, a whirl if you will, into a deeper, more profound dance—a dance that you intend will last you the rest of your lives.
D.H. Lawrence wrote: “We ought to dance with rapture that we might be alive...and part of the living, incarnate cosmos.” That is your challenge, I believe, as you make your matrimoials vows to one another and move on from here. How can you dance in a way that makes you fully alive, fully a part of the living, incarnate cosmos—and do it in a unified way, as a married couple who can dance together without stepping on each other’s toes?
Well, that’s your job. But as a spiritual leader and a friend who's been asked to speak at your wedding, I’d like to offer 3 words of wisdom to you this evening that I hope you’ll bear in mind as you do the dance of life together.
My first piece of advise is: dance with passion. I know you are passionate people but you must stay passionate and direct that passion towards one another. According to a recent poll in the UK, the average romance now lasts two years, six months and 25 days. You’re already past that and you're still in love so that’s good. Gabby, you say “Sam’s my everything.” And Sam, you say “Gabby’s my everything.” Well, guess what? You’ve got to keep it that way if you want to dance with passion.
In the Bible, there is a whole book of romantic love poems called the Song of Solomon. In chapter 8, it says: “Love is as strong as death, passion fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. ” Powerful words for a powerful emotion.
Gabby and Sam, it is your responsibility to keep your love alive, so that it will burn as strong as death. This connection that you have of mind, body, and spirit can and must grow. If you make this a priority, you’ll find that your hearts will continue to thrill with one another. And this will make your dance more passionate.
The second word of wisdom I have is: dance with positivity. Many couples get into trouble after a while, when the blinders come off their eyes and they see the truth about each other. All of their differences that they used to find so charming and cute become downright annoying. The reality is, there are endless things to dislike about each other. How easy it would be to fall into the trap of taking each other for granted and not seeing the incredible miracle that the other is.
In Paul’s letter to the Philippians, he addressed this human tendency. He was writing to the whole community but I think his words are equally applicable in the case of marriage. He offers these profound words: Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)
We all have behavioral habits. The things we do are based on the patterns we’ve set up for ourselves. What Paul is urging here and what I’m urging is well, is that you start your marriage off on the right foot. And that means you dance positively. You intentionally think about the things that are good in each other. Just as there are plenty of things to be upset about with one another, there are plenty of things that are true, pleasing and excellent. So just think about those things. It really is that simple.
I’m sure you’re already doing this, but you must make it a relational habit, a way of life, if you intend to keep regarding one another with gratitude. Research shows that people who keep a gratitude journal, who each night before going to sleep write at least five things for which they are grateful, big things or little things, are happier, more optimistic, more successful, more likely to achieve their goals, physically healthier; it actually strengthens their immune system, and makes them more generous and benevolent toward others. This is an exercise that takes about three minutes a day with life-changing benefits. Gabby and Sam, I suggest you keep a gratitude journal about one another. Write down 5 things you appreciate about your spouse each day. In this way, you’ll be following the scriptural exhortation to think about those things which are worthy of praise. You’ll be enhancing your lives as you learn to dance with greater and greater positivity.
My final bit of wisdom is dance with purpose. I know that you are spiritual people. This is important. You must continue to tap into your spiritual roots. This is the place from which you draw your strength, grounding, and life purpose. If you are both doing this, it will bring you closer.
Psalm 87:7 puts it this way: Singers and dancers alike say, “All my springs are in you.” Sam and Gabby, you are young and optimistic but the truth is, there will be hard times ahead. You will experience negative emotions, hurts, disappointments and faillures even within this relationship. The hard knocks of life will come. But you, the singers and dancers, can cling to your Creator. You can hold fast to God, the wellspring of spiritual power.
In 1 John, Chapter 4 it says:
"Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love....Beloved, since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us."
This scripure tells us that your love for one another comes from God and it is through your love, that God lives in you. This means that your marriage has a spiritual foundation. God will be at work perfecting your love as the glowing depth, beauty and joy of your love increases over the years. This is the purpose of which I speak.
Gabby and Sam, we share your excitement. We want the very best for you and your marriage. We hope that your unified dance will be a constant source of blessing and that you’ll remember to dance with passion, to dance with positivity and to dance with purpose, that you may be alive and part of the incarnate cosmos.
Let us pray: O God of Love, pour down your grace upon Gabby & Sam that they may fulfill the vows they will make this day and reflect your steadfast love in their life-long faithfulness to each other. As members with them in the family of God, use us to support their life together; and from your great store of strength give them power and patience, affection and understanding, courage, and love toward you, toward each other, and toward the world, that they may continue to dance together in true and constant love. Amen.
